you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
