I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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