You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
