She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
