He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
