i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize