The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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