I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
