we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
