just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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