Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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