i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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