I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
