i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
