you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
