I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
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Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
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New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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