Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
