my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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