ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
