i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
