Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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