can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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