If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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