"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
