i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
