i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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