i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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