You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
