Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
