Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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