i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
