Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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