mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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