Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
