1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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