i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
