Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
