I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
