sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
how does that bad decision feel?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
