four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
