Can Purell be used as lube?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
