Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
