Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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