The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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