toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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