I want you more than these girls want KFC
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
