escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Your penis caused this!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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