Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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