Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
