Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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