After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
