So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
