my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
