I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize