umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
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He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
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sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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