just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
