I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
