he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
