The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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