I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
There's always time for handjobs
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
