you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
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he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
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You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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