The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
