How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
