you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize