he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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