You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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