I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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