Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
