You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
